09:37 PM CDT on Monday, August 15, 2005

Here are parenting tips addressing spending on children from Mia Mbroh, an educator with Practical Parent Education in Plano, a national nonprofit organization that develops parenting programs.

How can I resist the urge to overindulge my children?

It goes back to being aware of how your behavior and choices influence your children. Parents have to know what they want their children to learn from. The first step is being honest and knowing what your values are in regards to material possessions.

How much worth do you place on the ownership of "stuff"?

How much time do you spend acquiring and talking about your stuff? Children watch what their parents do. They observe where their parents' time and attention goes.

If you understand the pitfalls of overindulgence, you are less likely to overindulge. It is not a matter of whether you can or not. It is more an issue of whether you should. It all begins with your ability to demonstrate self-discipline and wise decision-making skills.

How can I withstand the peer pressure factor?

It is indeed difficult to deny your child something that "everyone" else is supposedly getting. But everyone else is not your child. You know your children best and know what is in their best interest.

Think of it as a life lesson. Everyone in life does not have the same things, and having what everyone else has is not a requirement for a healthy and productive life. Sometimes we stand alone in a decision or in an action.

How do I teach my children the value of money?

The best way to start is with an allowance. The amount you give depends on your expectations. When children waste their own money on things, it provides an opportunity to learn from a logical consequence. As much as possible, have children participate in finding resourceful and positive ways to contribute to the acquisition of their "wants."

Allow your children to observe how you make money-related decisions. Explain how to prioritize and save. Demonstrate how to balance a checkbook and how credit really works.

All children, no matter how wealthy their families are, should experience the feeling of working and saving for something.

What can we do as parents to create a healthy understanding of limits on material possessions?

Learn to say no. Children do not have to have everything they want just because they want it. Limit the number of gifts your child receives. Limiting gifts also helps the child focus on and appreciate what has been given instead of going through an assembly line mentality of gift opening.

It is also a nice idea to involve your child in selecting gifts for others. This provides an opportunity to teach empathy. Let your children help you select charities that your family will donate to or assist in some tangible way.

How much is too much?

This is a question that parents ultimately have to answer themselves. There is much to be said for delayed gratification, stages, rites of passage, maturing and growing up. It is a challenge to stay grounded and focused in such a culture of affluence. We are constantly barraged with messages that tell us if we buy this or acquire that we will be more beautiful, more popular, more respected and happier than we have ever been.

In actuality, extravagances grant some momentary relief, but people still struggle with issues of self-doubt and self-esteem and feelings of being unworthy or unloved.

Parents have the ability to teach their children how to keep balance in their lives. Parents can show children how much they love them by the time they spend with them.