ATLANTA — On the surface, Jennifer Wilbanks was a happy bride-to-be who
showed no sign to friends or family that she wanted to call off her
extravagant wedding. But underneath, as she would later tell police
after running away to New Mexico, Wilbanks was scared and not sure she
wanted to go through with her big day. Marriage counselors say Wilbanks'
actions are an extreme but understandable reaction to the stress of the
wedding and the fear of disappointing others by backing out.
"Sometimes it's like being stuck in a river getting whisked over a
waterfall," said Dr. Charles Raison, a psychiatrist and Emory University
instructor who has counseled people about marital concerns. "The current
is so strong, you can't fight it."
Shame about canceling a wedding at the last minute can lead to feelings
of helplessness, counselors say.
"They've committed themselves out there in public, to their partner,
their minister, their community, their friends while they've been
perhaps nursing some ambivalence, mixed feelings and they feel isolated
without being able to share it with anyone," said marriage counselor
Andrew Gee. "It's like they've committed themselves to a course of
action they're not comfortable with. That would be a nightmare to me."
Police say Wilbanks cut her hair to disguise her appearance so no one
would recognize her during her bus trip west. She left her
identification, credit cards and diamond ring behind. There was no note,
and, for four days, no call home.
Then, late Friday, Wilbanks called her fiance and said she had been
kidnapped - a story police later said was made up.
Raison said the size of the wedding - as many as 600 guests and 14
bridesmaids - may have overcome Wilbanks.
"Weddings are terrible stresses on people," he said. "They really try
people's relationships, especially when they're one of these big
productions."
Dr. Joan Miller, a marriage counselor in Marietta, Ga., said Wilbanks'
case of second thoughts before marriage is common, though people don't
always react to their situations the same way.
"She had everything planned and had an effective way to address the
situation," Miller said. "It's hard to understand what's going on in her
head because we're not in her situation."
Gee said some brides-to-be are open with their families about their
jitters, while others keep the feelings bottled up.
Running away "seems a little extreme," Gee said. "But it feels extreme
if you feel like you're about to break a commitment or you can't break a
commitment. So, she resorted to extreme measures it seems."
Another Atlanta marriage counselor, Leslie L. Brenner, said the case
suggests better communication is important between couples.
"It's a good wake-up call for everybody going through an engagement,"
Brenner said.
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